Part Four: Doing things because you're told to.

I was listening to classical FM (let me explain) because I am trying to write and I find classical music perfect as I can happily listen and not get distracted due to no words.

Anyway, after a particular piece finished (after 6 minutes) an advert came on. 'Have a great night sleep with Horlicks. Visit www.Horlicks.co.uk to find out more,' the voice over said. What are adverts for. I visited www.Horlicks.co.uk. Wow! A hefty website. A ferret sleeps on average 20 hours a day. I didn't know that. I'm being educated and I didn't ask for it. I'm not complaining. If the question 'How many hours a day on average does a ferret sleep for?' comes up on a pub quiz machine or Trivial Pursuit, I'm sorted. Until the next question most likely to do with football comes up and I'll have lost the £1 (in the pub quiz machine scenario) because I know pfft about football. Apart from Middlesbrough are probably going to get relegated.

www.Horlicks.co.uk (ironically looked at the website at quarter past 10) nevertheless gave me insight as to how I sleep and what my sleeping positions tell about me personality-wise. But my problem is: how do I know what position I'm sleeping in? I am asleep. When I wake up I shuffle and I tend to forget because I usually have other things on my mind. Namely 'Do I have to get up?', 'I don't want to get up?', 'I must get up or I'll be late,' and 'sod it I'll have a lie in.' The last is a particular favourite.

After I consulted myself on what position I wake up in (or from what I can remember) I tend to be on one side, legs stretched and arms out, www.Horlicks.co.uk suggested I was sociable, laid back and the other said suspicious and cynical (aren't suspicious and cynical moreorless the same?) yet generous and giving (aren't generous and giving moreorless the same?). I sleep like a yearner and a log. A log-yearner. A yearner-log. I was slightly offended being called a log after visiting a website by chance. But at least I how long a ferret sleeps. On average. 20 hours in case you didn't know.

Earlier in the day Ardal O'Hanlon was suggesting (via a radio ad, not in person, sadly) I go to Ireland and enter a conker competition. Yes! I shall! At some point... just not now.

And by the way, a ferret sleeps on average for 10 hours... no sorry, 20 hours a day.